The Troubles with Elven Harmonicas
by Star-Stallion
Summary: In an attempt to annoy Gimli, Legolas starts playing his terrible harmonica... unfortunately, none of the Three Hunters were expecting what happens next...
1. Uh Oh

**DISCLAIMER- I don't own the Fellowship. I do, however, own the Infamous Harmonica...**

**Don't _dare_ ask me where on Middle-Earth this came from... I was watching a comedy/drama programme called 'Margery and Gladys' which had a 5 second scene with a little boy crying along to what sounds like background music played by a harmonica. It turns out he's in the hospital and he actually swallowed the harmonica...**

**I wondered about it, and decided it would make for a good fic...**

**So, get ready for... The Troubles with Elven Harmonicas...**

~*~*~*~

.:Chapter One:.

"Master Elf, _please_, enough with your incessant singing already!" cried Gimli, his arms thrown up and waving in utter exasperation, voicing his laments to a tall tree and the thin figure perched in it. Legolas, in turn, laughed lightly.

"Well what do you wish me to do Gimli? I can think of a lot worse things I could be doing," he replied, folding his lithe arms across his chest, his gaze penetrating his companions.

"Oh?! I wish to see what exactly could infuriate me more than your awful lyrics Legolas! Go ahead, try me!" shouted the Dwarf, shaking his fist towards the royal brat, as he so often called him.

Aragorn sighed. "Do not tempt him, son of Gloin! I did that once when I was younger... to my great regret..." These were intended as words of wise warning to his companion, who was walking on the edge of a knife now, but Gimli took it as a challenge.

"You may be able to send the Man into insanity with your flighty Elvish ways, but it takes a Balrog-sized amount of trouble to peeve off a Dwarf, I'll tell you now!"

Legolas gave a bright grin that spread from pointed ear to pointed ear, the moon catching on his teeth and giving the two below of an extremely smug Cheshire cat which had got the cream. He put a slender hand into his pocket and pulled out a silvery rectangular object. Aragorn's eyes widened.

"I thought Elladan and Elrohir took that... that _thing_ away from you!!!" he shrieked.

"Ah, yes," said Legolas. "But they didn't expect the Prince of Eryn Lasgalen to have such wonderful pick pocketing skills!"

Gimli merely laughed heartily. "That?!" he spluttered. "_That is your great object of torture?!" _

"Oh no..." thought Aragorn.

"I warned you Gimli!" beamed Legolas, and, throwing back his silvery-blonde head and taking in a deep breath, he blew harshly on the object.  

A great screeching chord emanated from the thing, and Gimli had to clamp his rough calloused hands over his ears. "BY AULË! WHAT ON MIDDLE-EARTH POSSESSED YOU TO BRING A HARMONICA WITH YOU, YOU CRAZY, POINTY-EARED MORON?!" he hollered, shooting a glance up at the Elf, who apparently, firstly believed that he was Eru's gift to harmonica playing, and secondly thought this was a great laugh. In fact, the harmonica now made wheezing noises due to his laughter behind the holes.

Aragorn also had his hands compressed against his ears. "I don't know why he bothers, he can't even play the blasted thing!!!" he cried above the wailing tones of the instrument.

As swiftly as it started, the shrieks stopped.

"What happened?" thought Gimli. Legolas sat stock still, a look of horror on his face. The offending harmonica had disappeared from his hands, leaving both the Dwarf and the Man to wonder what had transpired.

Aragorn was filled with concern at the look on his best friend's face. "Legolas?! Are you alright?!"

Legolas opened his mouth to reply, but instead of words...

'Hooomph!' The muffled, dimmed, yet still quite clear melodies of a harmonica escaped from the Elf's throat.         

Suddenly, to his dismay, he realised what he'd done, much to his friends' amusement.

He'd swallowed his harmonica!

~*~*~*~

**So, opinions? I rather enjoyed writing that!** **If you review, you get a new chapter! Will Gimli and Aragorn ever be able to pull themselves together?! Will Legolas ever get his harmonica out of his throat?! What problems will a musical wheezy breathing system create for the Three Hunters?! Will I ever stop this damned cheesy American sitcom accent?! **

**Find out next chapter... if you review?!**  


	2. So Whats The Plan?

**You know, I only started writing this as a bit of fun, I'm glad you all like it! ^_~**

**Review replies!**

**WeasleyGirl0904; Thanks! ^_~**

**Somewhere in Legolas' stomach; Nice name LOL! ^_~ My friend suggested shoving a piano down his gob, but I thought that might just be going a _little too far! ^_^_**

**Crystal**** Snowflakes; LOL! It's nice to know I can actually reach someone who's old enough to snort into coffee, LOL! ^_~ Thanks!**

**Rainy; Ok!**

**bob; Thanks, and just for you, those 3 other stories of mine have been updated and I'm just writing new chapters for them now! ^_~**

**Lainfaer;**** It was hilarious! Thanks!**

**Lomiothiel;**** Actually, I don't think Legolas will be able to do much muttering because... oops! Nearly gave away some of the plot there! *taps self on wrist* Naughty!**

**Sulianna;**** Thank you!**

**dar;**** Really? I've never seen The 3 Stooges but it sounds v. funny!**

**Kawaii Elf Girl;**** It's funny how many reviews I'm getting that remind me of _Shrek... weird..._**

**websterans; Cool! Thanks for reviewing! ^_~******

**Wolf Maid;**** Thank you! ^_^ Somebody called me original, wow!**

**MLynnBloom;**** LOL! "Legolas and me on a horse..." That is one of my favourite daydreams! Speaking of dreams, I was having one where ****Orlando**** Bloom was _just_ about to kiss me when suddenly he disappeared (by this time I was like "****Orlando****? ****Orlando****?!?!? Where'd you go babe?!" ^.^' ) and suddenly a dog _with Elijah Wood's face_ appeared and started licking my feet... turns out my dad had snuck into my room at that precise moment and tickled the soles of my feet which were sticking out from underneath the quilt... *sigh*... I mean, I've got nothing against Lij but that was _one_ friggin weird dream...  **

**Hope you all enjoy the next chapter!**

~*~*~*~

.:Chapter Two:.

Aragorn got up, brushed tears of laughter from his eyes, and wandered over to Legolas. "Okay then Legolas," he said. "Open up and we'll get that harmonica out of you."

Obediently the Elf opened his mouth wide and the Ranger peered inside. With a frown he called Gimli. The Dwarf wandered over.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"I can't see it!" said Aragorn. "Can you?"

Looking down his friend's throat, he could see nothing. "Nope," sighed Gimli. "How are we going to get it out then?"

Aragorn plonked himself awkwardly on the floor and shut his eyes. The other two looked confused. "What are you doing laddie?" asked Gimli.

"Sssh! I'm concentrating!" growled Aragorn, opening one eye to glare at the Dwarf, before promptly shutting it again.

Legolas was getting rather fed up with this. "If you don't mind..." he said...

At least, he _meant_ to say, but the words came out as musical notes.

"HA!" cried Gimli happily. "Not only have you swallowed that wretched thing, but Aulë has taken pity on me and made you sound like a musical instrument!" He doubled up laughing. Aragorn had come out of his 'concentration' mode to chuckle as well.

Legolas snarled at them. "Ha ha, very funny!" he thought. There was no use trying to say anything; it would only make them laugh more.

"Well," said Aragorn. "There is _one_ thing we could try..."

~*~*~*~

"I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M LETTING YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!" screeched a certain Prince of Mirkwood as Gimli finished tying some thick coarse rope around his ankles. He watched, seething, as Aragorn threw the other end over a broad tree branch. 

"Legolas please; if you're going to try and play that thing while it's still in your throat you could at least attempt to do it tunefully," sighed the Ranger. This method had worked when he and Elladan had used it on Elrohir when the Elven twin had swallowed a marble; hopefully it should work again.

"Just what are you planning to do now anyway?!" asked Legolas fearfully, yet all that emerged were some screeching chords.

"Master Elf, a word, if I may?" asked Gimli politely. Legolas raised his eyebrows. Taking this to mean 'Yes', Gimli moved closer to his friend. 

"Now, pardon me, if you think I'm being rude, but I wish to ask you that if and when I have to stand anywhere near you, could you please **SHUT UP?!?!?!?!" He shouted the last part into the Elf's ear so loud he jumped. Gimli sighed and sat down with a thud on the ground. "Thank you."**

Legolas shook his head to try and stop the ringing in his ears. He was still feeling a bit dizzy when suddenly...

Woosh! "AAAHHH!!! PUT ME DOWN _NOW_!!!" he hollered. Aragorn had pulled the rope hard and he had suddenly found himself hanging upside down by his ankles from the tree.

"Now Legolas, calm down, it's alright!" soothed Aragorn, tying the rope onto a gnarled tree root. "All we do now is wait for it to slide out overnight!" He beamed broadly.

Both Legolas and Gimli looked at him as though he was mad. "Pardon?" said the Dwarf, laughing sarcastically. "Something tells me this is not going to work!" Legolas nodded his head in agreement.

Aragorn's smile faded slightly. "Well, I... erm, see... well it worked before!" he stated angrily, before fading back down again. "But, I suppose a marble _is a lot smaller..."_

"Damn right it is!" grumbled Gimli. 

"Well he looks kinda cute!" suggested Aragorn; trying to make _some good of his otherwise terrifically **pants idea.**_

"Yes!" chortled Gimli. "Like a little bat..."

Legolas glared at him with ice cold eyes. "Very funny!" he sang, not impressed at all either with the rubbish idea of his Ranger friend, the position he was in or the fact he was now being made the butt of many jokes. 

Gimli stopped and thought for a moment before brightening up. "I've got it!" he cried. Jumping up from his seat on the floor he stomped over to the rope which held the Elf in the air and placed his foot on it. He grinned as he watched his woodland friend pale visibly.

"Gimli..." asked Aragorn suspiciously, watching it unfold. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, just a little thing that might work," replied the Dwarf casually. He looked at the rope, the down to his foot, the back up to the rope again. "Yes, that should work," he mumbled to himself. Kneeling on the ground, he drew some calculations in the dirt.

Aragorn tiptoed over and peered over his shoulder. His eyes widened at what he saw. "You're not, are you?!" he gasped.

"I am!" grinned the Dwarf. He glanced over to his helpless friend, still swaying slightly as he was suspended from the tree.

Never before had Legolas been so desperate to hear what somebody was saying about him. "What now?!" he thought.

Gimli stood again and placed his foot on the rope. "Ready?" he smiled sweetly. Legolas groaned.

"Ready as I'll ever be..."

Without warning his friend suddenly pressed down hard on the rope with his foot, sending Legolas flying upwards before bouncing off of the branch again. Gimli kept pressing down with his foot until the Elf became a blur... and a loud one at that. His voice wobbled as he screamed, the world bouncing up and down like a rubber ball.

"Ok Gimli," said Aragorn, smirking slightly. "Give him a rest now." The Elf slowly came to a stop, still bouncing on the rope.

"Uuuugh..." he groaned. "I think I'm going to be sick..."

And still the harmonica didn't budge.

"Ooh damn..." grumbled Gimli. He hated it when plans didn't turn out right.

Suddenly Legolas hiccupped, a loud chord emerging from his throat as he did so.

"What was that?!" asked Aragorn, somewhere between a confused shout and a laugh. As if replying Legolas hiccupped again.

"Great," thought the Elf indignantly. "Not only have I got a harmonica stuck in my throat, strung up by my ankles from a tree, upside down, and dizzy..." He sighed hopelessly before hiccupping again. "...I have the hiccups as well..."

~*~*~*~

**Aaaw, poor Legolas! =D** **Do you think I'm too cruel? Tell me in a nice review...**


	3. Hold Your Breath!

**LOL, I never realised people would like this fic so much!!! ^_^ I'm very pleased!**

**Review replies!**

**ElizabethBlack4; ****Thanks!**

**Lainfaer; ****I sorted out the chapter mix up; ff.n screwed up my stuff! *glares at ff.n* Grrrrr!!! ^_^ Yes, well... you've gotta be cruel to be kind... he he he... =D**

**MLynnBloom; ****Yeah, well the hiccups lead on to more funniness... he he he... =D Poor Legolas is gonna end up wondering what I'm gonna do next... well, try looking at that picture of that woman with the dog in 'Mars Attacks!' after her head has been lopped off and put on her dog's body... except it's Lij's head... that's roughly it... ^_^ LOL!!!**

**Dha-Gal; ****Phweet!!! Gotta love that word! Loved that; "Now he'll play that damned thing for eternity!!!" LOL!!! XD Too funny!!!**

**Kawaii Elf Girl; ****Try making him _throw up_?!?!?! THAT'S SICK, THAT'S DISGUSTING, THAT'S... _JUST THE KINDA THING I LIKE!!!_**

**LEGOLAS: You maybe, but not me!!!**

**Lady Undomiel; ****Tickling him a lot, that's a good plan too! Thanks for the review!**

**Dark Elf; ****Thank you!!! **

**Astievia; ****I honestly don't know exactly where I got the idea for this from, but I'm having a lot of fun with it! I think it's when I watched a programme called Marjory and Gladys... I think I might have mentioned it in the first chapter... I'm glad you're enjoying it, thank you!**

**Enjoy this next chapter!**

~*~*~*~

.:Chapter Three:.

Suddenly Legolas felt a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew the feeling well.

Orcs!

His eyes went wide and he ran over to Aragorn, hiccupping again as he did so.

"Aragorn, Aragorn, there's Orcs coming!" he shouted, trying to get the Ranger to understand him. Unfortunately it came out more like "Phweet! Shcmnm, phweet peep schloom!!!"

Aragorn looked at him blankly. "Pardon me?" he asked, confused.

Legolas sighed. He then attempted to do his best impression of an Orc...

Never in all his life would Gimli ever forget the sight of his best friend hopping around trying to act like an Orc. Baring his teeth so they looked bucky and unaligned, the Elf growled deeply, which, because of his current predicament, sounded more like a cat screeching. He stooped low and scratched his head dumbly, looking for all the world like some wild animal.

He then looked at Aragorn, who returned the gaze. Silence held the air for a moment, and Legolas, for one short moment, thought he'd finally gotten through to his, in his own words, rather _thick_ companions.

Both the Dwarf and Aragorn cracked up laughing. Legolas groaned, frustrated. He jabbed his finger pointedly in the direction that he thought the Orcs were coming from. All he received were blank looks.

"Three words... is it a book?!" asked Gimli, with a straight face.

"Look Legolas, I don't know what you're doi-" began Aragorn, before he stopped. He thought he'd heard something. Peering through the thick blanket of trees, he thought he could hear the harsh guttural voices of creatures he hated.

"Orcs!" he cried. "Why didn't you say something Legolas?!" He put out the fire quickly with a handy pail of water they had kept nearby. Legolas' jaw dropped, his eyes nearly popping out. He'd just stood, making a fool of himself, and Aragorn was blaming _him_?!?!?!

"Stupid human..." he thought, before hiccupping heartily again. Grabbing their weapons, the Three Hunters swiftly fled and hid behind a tree. They could hear the Orcs getting closer and closer.

Legolas hiccupped noisily again, and Gimli grumbled angrily. "If you don't shut up, they'll find us!" he warned. Legolas opened and shut his mouth furiously as he silently mouthed various colourful curses. It wasn't his fault!!!

Aragorn scowled darkly. "You," he said flatly, looking at Gimli. "Shut up." Gimli opened his mouth to protest, but Aragorn shushed him before he could say anything. Legolas smirked, trying not to laugh, before the ranger rounded on him as well. "And _you_," he continued, getting an innocent wide-eyed look from the Prince as well as a silent "Me?!" 

"Hold your breath!"

Legolas looked at him as though he was mad. "Pardon?!" he said aloud, horrified, only succeeding in sounding like an out of tune instrument.

"If you're going to keep hiccupping, hold your breath until the Orcs leave!"

Before he could think of a better plan, a burly Orc wandered into the camp. Legolas drew in a long breath before kneeling on the floor and watching the scene before him.

The Orcs skulked into the camp, hobbling along on their bow legs. They poked at the remains of the fire, and fiddled with the packs they'd left behind in their hasty flight.

"Nothin' 'ere," growled a burly Orc. "They've already gone."

In the bushes, a certain Elf's eyes were watering. "Hurry up and get out of here!" thought Legolas. His chest was starting to burn without air, and his head hurt. He had to tell Aragorn; he wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer. He pulled on the Ranger's sleeve.

A bigger Orc strode up to the first speaker with a grim look on his ugly twisted face. "Then let's go find 'em." he said simply, his voice like rough gravel. 

"Legolas, gerroff..." groaned Aragorn, pulling his sleeve from his friend's grip. Legolas now clutched his throat. Aragorn sighed, annoyed, and turned to his friend. His eyes widened.

"_Breathe, you idiot, BREATHE!!!"_

As the last ugly Orc hobbled away from their camp, the Elf finally sucked in a huge breath, the harmonica whining loudly as he did so. Gimli noted the Legolas' previously blue face quickly regained its normal colour. He couldn't resist what he was about to say...

"Oh well... at least your hiccups are gone..."

~*~*~*~

**I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I saw ROTK yesterday though; brilliant film... don't forget to R&R!!!**


	4. Welcome to La La Land!

**Estel Elven Enchantress****; Legolas, Aragorn, please. It's exactly as Jo said; that is _so TTT!!! Oh no, I cried __way too much at ROTK!!! In fact, my tear supply has been officially worn out since the 18th December!!! (When I saw it!) I've got nothing left!!! I'm going to see it in a couple of days though..._**

**blue alien****; ^_^ Thank you! I love it when people tell me things of mine are original, it makes me feel special!!!**

**Mellaithwen-ElvenMaiden****; Almost had angst, yes, I guess I really can't fully turn away from it! ^_^ **

**Astievia****; ^_^ I sat at the front too; I had to clamp my hands over my ears whenever the Nazgúl shrieked!!!  I was like O_o --- See; I even had a twitchy eye!!! THAT is how bad it was!!!**

**frodo16424****; Ooh, I can just imagine it... poor you!!! ^_^ **

**Dha-Gal****; ARMFUL OF SKITTLES!!! You _do_ realise how hyperactive these are gonna get me, don't you?! Oh well, it'll help write this chapter!!! ^_^ Of course, they're _nothing_ to what happens when I eat blue Smarties or Sour Cream and Onion Pringles... I did that once at my school PGL trip (me and my mates were having a little 'party' at around ****midnight****!) and I can't really remember what happened that night... all I know, from my Bessie mate's account, was that I cracked up at the most unfunny things (like the word 'cage'!) and I sat up half the night in bed singing Flying Purple People Eater _really_ loudly... ah, memories... mind you, some words just do set my off, like bungee... I dunno why, but I just think bungee *snort!* is a really funny word... so don't say it in a review or I'll crack up! Jeez this was a long review reply...**

**Kawaii Elf Girl****; Oh that was one of my fave bits!!! ^_^ There wasn't enough of Legolas though...**

**Stephanie****; Thanks!**

**Valanya****; Ha ha!!! ^_^ I can just imagine your sister's face!!! ^_^ No, no!!! I _adore long reviews!!! They give me something to read!!! _**

**Legolas Greenleaf 00****; Thanks!!! ^_^ I'm glad you like it!**

**Lainfaer****; Thanks!**

**Lady Undomiel****; ^_^ ROTK = Best Film _EVER_... --- really bad Comic Book Guy impression there! Thanks! I'll keep tickling in mind... ^_~**

**Ice Panther of the Fifth Realm****; Hey there! ^_^ I really like the name btw! Yeah, I didn't green would suit that particular moment- blue seemed the best option- but green has been reserved for a later moment... see if you can guess what happens!**

**sab****; Thanks!**

**hansay1300****; Thank you so much!!! ^_^**

**Ok, this is a warning to you all, courtesy of what happened to frodo16424... DO NOT EVER DRINK MILK WHILST READING THIS FANFIC... exits to your left, right, and centre, please keep legs and arms in the car while reading and please, for your sake and mine, don't lose your head... I don't fancy being sued...**

~*~*~*~

.:Chapter Four:.

Legolas' eyes flashed dangerously as he fixed a furious gaze on the Dwarf. Gimli immediately noticed this and grinned nervously.

"Erm... just a little mood lightener?" he said, trying to find an excuse for his words.

Legolas scowled. Aragorn, sensing a rather _messy_ confrontation ahead, quickly put himself bravely between the seething Elf and quivering Dwarf. "Look," he said. "We're out of danger now, so why don't we collect our things and carry on?" He tried rather unsuccessfully to smile brightly. "I mean, what else could go wrong?!"

A clap of thunder erupted overhead, and barely a second later fat droplets of rain plummeted down onto the heads of the Three Hunters.

Aragorn's face fell and he sighed, defeated. "Well, I guess... that... could..." 

~*~*~*~

It was a few hours later as they were slowly plodding through the forest that things began to go a little wrong...

Legolas had stormed off ahead, seemingly to contemplate all meanings of 'silent as the grave'. The Elf hadn't spoken a word since the incident with the Orcs. Even though Legolas was one of the Firstborn, and supposed to be blessed with the eternal patience of the Eldar, he obviously didn't feel like showing it. The weather wasn't helping either; he was caked in mud up to his knees and soaking wet.

Gimli and Aragorn were behind, sometimes chatting, but more often than not just keeping as quiet as their companion. At this point however, Gimli was thinking about something to try and get that harmonica out of his friend's throat...

"Aragorn?" he asked the Man. Aragorn looked down.

"Yes?"

"You know your herbs, don't you?" said the stouter being, trying to drop it casually into the conversation.

Aragorn stopped and stared at his friend, an eyebrow quirked up, wondering where that had come from. All of a sudden, he caught the mischievous gleam in Gimli's eye, and it all clicked into place.

"No!" he said firmly. Gimli looked innocently at him.

"What do you mean, 'no'? Did I say anything?!" he protested. Aragorn frowned angrily.

"I'm not making him sick! No, no, double no, **no**, _no_ and NO!" he hissed, trying to keep it down so poor unsuspecting Legolas wouldn't hear.

Gimli had a sad look on his face. "Oh come on laddie, it'll get the job done!" He grinned devilishly. "And it'll be fun..."

Aragorn glanced sideways at his friend, then back to where Legolas stood up on a particularly tall rock, keeping watch. Back to Gimli again...

"I guess it _would_ be pretty amusing..." He shook his head harshly. "No! I'm not doing it, no way!"

Gimli scowled. "Spoil sport..."

~*~*~*~

"I'm off to get some firewood," said Aragorn. He made sure Anduril was in its sheath and walked off.

Gimli followed the Man with narrowed beady eyes. When he was sure that Aragorn was gone, he grabbed the pack the Man had been carrying and pulled out the water flask and some herbs.

They all looked the same; dry, shrivelled up green leaves that smelled awful... but they were just leaves; they were probably all the same. Gimli shrugged and put a few interesting looking ones in the water and swirling it around a bit.

"Legolas! Come 'ere..." 

~*~*~*~

What Aragorn returned to camp to beggared belief. There was Legolas, sitting on a branch of one of the trees, swinging his legs wildly. His blonde hair was messy and tied up in bunches, wrapped with bright pink bows. Gimli, an innocent look upon his face, trying to inconspicuously hide Aragorn's pack behind him, pushing it back with his foot... but failing miserably. He cleared his throat nervously.

"Where have you been?!"

"WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?!" hollered Legolas suddenly. This was the first time the Elf had spoken properly since the damned harmonica had become stuck, and now his voice was just coherent enough to make out the words, but still resonated with _extremely musical tones (albeit off-key).  _

"I've been trying to calm him down for two hours!" continued Gimli.

"TWO HOURS!" Legolas repeated loudly.

"WHAT HAVE YOU _DONE_?!?!" roared Aragorn. His eyes were alight with red fire.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" shouted the Elf from his treetop perch.

"Well, I, see, erm... because, well, he, then _I_..." blabbered Gimli, whilst above him Legolas started giggling like a maniac. As he laughed, he leant back too far and fell from the tree. He didn't seem to be hurt though; in fact he even sat up and started mumbling "Gravitygravitygravitygravitygravitygravitygravity..." continuously. The Dwarf trailed away when he caught sight of their Human companion glaring at him in fury. He finally sighed in defeat.

"I gave him some of your herbs..."

Aragorn stared... and stared some more. His mouth dropped open and nearly hit the floor.

Legolas sat on the ground and flicked some acorns at the frozen Man. The little nuts bounced off the top of Aragorn's head, each with a tiny 'blink!' noise... and still he did not move.

The Elf snorted. "He looks gormless!"

Gimli looked at the blonde, who was now quite happily squashing ants that were crawling along. "Pardon?" 

"Well I reckon everybody has got a gorm, but Aragorn seems to have lost his..." explained Legolas simply.

Gimli simply shook his head. "Crazy... you're mad..."

"No, _I'm the mad one," said Legolas, smirking. Gimli frowned._

"I just said-" The stout figure sighed and gave up. "Forget it... just _forget it..."_

~*~*~*~

**Not my best chapter, but I'm working on a tight schedule... I HAVE ANOTHER HUMOUR FIC IF YOU ARE INTERESTED!!! It's a parody called The Lord of the Polos, another piece of random insanity, a bit like this... I'd love it if you review! Thanks!**  


	5. Blonde Moment

**^_^ Yo...**

**Kawaii Elf Girl****; Tsk tsk, laziness is wrong... even though I am pretty lazy... ^_^**

**Anarya****; Yup, he's a Legollum!!! Hmmm, rocks singing... I'd like to see that... lol!**

**Estel****; Ah, so you noticed! Well m'dear, you'll be seeing many Pirates references in 'Polos' once I find some more inspiration, not to mention other films... ^_^**

**Lainfaer****; Ooh, naughty! You should pay attention to your friend!!! ^_^ Lol, nice to see I could even make you laugh in a serious situation! ^_^**

**Ice Panther of the Fifth Realm****; Yup, he's hyper!!! ^_^**

**Cartoonist****; K!!! ^_^ I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!!! Oh... hello to all the Year 11's... nice to know that people in _my school_ are reading this now... jeez this is so embarrassing... B told me that this was the first review you'd submitted! Well, I feel so proud of myself for that honour...**

**Insane Elven Pirate****; Thanks! ^_^**

**Shadowwill****; Lol, you bug me to update _everything_!!! ^_^**

**Fritz will Get You****; OK!!!**

**MLynnBloom****; Lol! Actually, that whole part about gravity? That is something I did once. Me and my friends were sitting in Science and we were mucking about, as usual, and as we were learning about gravity, there was Becca and I sitting going "Gravitygravitygravitygravitygravitygravitygravity****..." for ages... ^_^**

**Purplefluffychainsaw****; Tee hee! =) Yes, I'm well aware that I am evil to the Elf, but who cares?!?!?! I enjoy it!!!**

**Terreis****; Thank you!!! ^_^**

**So... on with what seems to be a random, pointless, time-consuming and yet highly enjoyable pastime... oh, and a note to all those who hate sick or people being sick... lots of crude little sick jokes in this chapter; hey, what can I say?! I was _bored_ people!!!**

~*~*~*~

.:Chapter Five:.

The sun rose majestically into the sky, the birds wakening and beginning to twitter. There was a fresh breeze blowing down from the mountains, and in our heroes camp?

Let us see...

An Elf with a bright green face was trying desperately not to be sick, a Dwarf was panicking that an Elf with a bright green face was trying desperately not to be sick, and a Man was sitting stock still in the same place with the same horrified expression on his face since last night whilst ignoring a Dwarf that was panicking that an Elf with a bright green face was trying desperately not to be sick...

All was normal then.

"I can see you're a lot of use," sighed Gimli, waving a hand in front of Aragorn's face. Turning back to Legolas, he shook his head. "And how are you feeling now?" he asked, his voice dripping sickly sweet.

Legolas groaned. "What _did_ I do last night?!"

Gimli had a mock look of deep concentration on his face. 

"Well let me see..." he said. He began counting on his fingers. "You practically went mad. You were up half the night singing various Elvish songs, mostly about women who sounded very beautiful and various actions taken by men, but I won't go into detail, and you convinced yourself that you were the Emperor of Harad. Oh, and you also asked a squirrel if she would marry you. Unfortunately this _particular_ squirrel was a male and didn't take too kindly to your proposal and proceeded to bite your behind."

Legolas groaned, shutting his eyes in exasperation. "So I made myself look like a moron?"

Gimli grinned. "Legolas; you made yourself look like a _spectacular_ moron. Let's just say that Orcs possess more grace and elegance than you did last night."

Legolas' eyes suddenly snapped open and the hue of green on his face became even deeper and more prominent. "I don't feel so good..." 

All of a sudden...

"LEGOLAS!!! THOSE WERE MY BEST SHOES!!!"

Aragorn had miraculously been brought out of his stupor by an Elf who _had_ been trying desperately not to be sick... and failed rather miserably... 

~*~*~*~

"Did the harmonica come out of his throat?" asked Aragorn, now back in the real world.

Gimli looked at him darkly. "Do you want to check?!" he growled, motioning to Legolas who had lost the green pallor and was now recovering and the mess on Aragorn's shoes. Aragorn's face took on a look of disgust.

"Erm, _no_, not really, no..."

Aragorn noticed that Legolas seemed to be breathing rather strangely.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"No... I think there's something stuck in my nose..." replied the Elf.

Aragorn stared at him for a moment as though he was mad (which he probably was) before continuing. "Well what do you think it is?"

Legolas wrinkled his nose again. "Smells like carrot..."

Aragorn had to think about this for a moment (as a few of his brain cells had fizzled out; being awake all night with a look of extreme terror on your face can do that to you y'know, and let's face it- he really didn't have many to spare anyway...) before it finally dawned on him.

"_You are disgusting_..." he hissed darkly...

~*~*~*~

And so, the Three Hunters continued on their epic quest to who knows where, for they had never actually stated just _why_ they were out in the middle of the woods. Aragorn was now fully coherent and moody again, Gimli was slowly getting over his babysitting duties, and Legolas? 

Well, he was his usual annoying self again too, despite the fact that the harmonica, still caught up in the Prince's voice-box, was making him sound like a warbling Orc.

"Sometimes I wonder if the Valar made me meet you as a curse..." growled Aragorn. Legolas didn't realise that this was actually an insult (whether that was thanks to the herbs still sending him a little ga-ga or whether it was the fact that he was a blonde we may never know...)

"Well, it could be worse," said Legolas. "You could be cursed with eternal bad looks, like Gimli over there!" Suddenly realising what he said, the Elf fell silent. He turned his head slightly to see Gimli, his face red with anger and his eye twitching.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!?!"

Legolas suddenly realised the stupidity of his actions (and _we_ suddenly realise that Legolas really _is_ a few _lembas_ breads short of a picnic due to his hair colouring). 

"Oops." 

With a roar that would have frightened away even the fiercest of Wargs, Gimli launched himself at the offending Elf and began a rather furious attack. Unfortunately for them both, fighting right beside a _very _tall and steep hill was not such a good idea.

The pair yelled as they rolled speedily down the hill, many extremely potent curses issuing from their mouths that cannot be translated in a fanfic of this particular rating. If you want that sort of language, please refer to the R-rated section.

Meanwhile, Aragorn, still standing up at the top, held his head in his hands.

"Why me?" he moaned to nobody in particular. "Why?!?!"

~*~*~*~

Following his companions route down the hill, Aragorn preoccupied himself by thinking of Arwen. Needless to say by the time he actually _got_ to Legolas and Gimli's landing spot, he had the biggest goofy grin on his face anyone had ever seen. After all, it was a very big hill.

It turned out that the pair had landed in a cave and a rock had rolled in front of the opening, leaving only a little gap between the boulder and the cave wall. Aragorn listened intently to the conversation inside as he tried to push the huge rock away.

"ELF, THE SECOND WE GET OUT OF HERE I WILL LOP OFF THAT BRAINLESS APPENDAGE OFF YOUR SHOULDERS AND MOUNT YOUR POINTY EARED HEAD ON MY WALL!!!"

Another voice shouted right back, accompanied by out-of-tune music. "WELL IF YOU WEREN'T SO VAIN THEN WE WOULDN'T BE STUCK IN HERE, WOULD WE?!?!"

"VAIN?! _VAIN_?!?!?! LOOK WHO'S TALKING, MR-I'M-SO-PRETTY-WITH-MY-NICE-BLONDE-HAIR!!! I BET YOU DYE IT!"

A gasp issued from inside. "WHY YOU LITTLE-!!!"

Sounds of a scuffle inside floated out to Aragorn's ears. He sighed. "And they say they're best friends..." he thought absent-mindedly.

Without warning, the fighting stopped. Aragorn frowned. "Hellooooo? Anyone in there?"

No answer.

"They've finally done it..." thought Aragorn with horror. "They've gone and killed each other..."

He stopped himself. If they'd killed each other that meant peace and quiet for him...

Aragorn sat down and lit up his pipe, a smug grin on his face. Life was good!

~*~*~*~

**Please R&R!!!**  


	6. POP!

**This is one of my favourite stories that I'm writing at the moment!!! =) Yes, I know I'm more of a drama person, but this is just SOOOOOO much fun!!! So I apologise for the long stint without updates...**

**Watchthefatladysing****; It's not over!!! =) Here's more for you!**

**Mellaithwen-AngelMaiden****; We shall see, we shall see... =) I'm glad I got you laughing; that IS the point so when it works I'm very pleased!!! =)**

**Terreis****; LOL!!! =) Thanks!**

**WildBlackWolf and Civia****; Thanks! =)**

**MLynnBloom****; =) Thanks for the review!!!**

**Arsinoe Selene****; Really; you mean that?! blushes Ooh, thank you very much!!! I'm flattered...**

****

**Estel****; Wow; that's a lot of Lolberries!!! =) takes a bow Thank you, thank you... Black Beauty? I read the book but I've not seen the film... is it good?**

**Insane Elven Pirate****; Thank you! =)**

**Lynx Yamato****; =) It's not over!!! Not yet!!!**

**Anarya****; LOL!!! =) Oh yeah, about the questions you asked me; I replied to you in Woes of the World... have you read it yet? Hope to see you doing some writing soon!**

**Lomiothiel****; I know I'm cruel; it's what makes me, ME!!! =) Who knows? Well, I mean _I_ do, but nobody else does... or do they? X-Files music starts up WTH? X-Files?!**

**Lainfaer****; Have they killed each other? You'll have to read to find out...**

**beautiful-south****; Ok... I know you are!!! Just remember: ME: "I'm thinking..." YOU: "WHAT?!?! But... but that's, not possible!!! _YOU_ _THINKING_?!?! There's only one explanation for this... THE END IS NIGH!!!" =) He he he... will you hurry up and update The Dress Hunt though?! PLEASE?!?!?!?!**

**Wolf Maid****; Thanks!!!**

**Katca Mcadar****; KATY!!! =) So, you like? =)**

**Kitsune****; Hellooooo... oo Erm... is the "um" a good thing or a bad thing?**

**Stoneage Woman****; YAYNESS!!! I made you laugh!!! =) Thanks for reviewing yet another story of mine; have I told you that you're one of my favourite reviewers? =)**

**Anarya****; Borrow WHATEVER you like hun!!! ;-) Really, I mean it! For me, it's a compliment!!!**

**Fritz Will Get You****; ;-) YAY! YOU LAUGH! TIS GOOD!!! Lol!**

**Crispy Kringles****; Thanks! =) Here's some more for you!**

**Lady Lire Snowstorm****; Thank you so much!!! =) No, that wasn't the end... hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Katca Mcadar****; I'm enjoying the hols now!!! ;-) You know where I live? _Really_?! Y'know I can do you for stalking, don't you KT? =) Lol, JOKE!!!**

**Phoebe Telumetar****; YAY!!! =) CHESS!!! How are you?! Ah well; the lovely Elf Boy goes through a lot worse, believe you me... ;-) EMAIL ME with more LOTR stuff already, WOULD YOU?! ;-D**

**Wildfire865****; Well then, we can be crazed together, eh? ;-) Lol!!! winks back **

**And so another bunch of review replies is done...**

**No chapter though...**

**I really ought to do it...**

**But the question is; can I be bothered?!**

**sees angry mob glaring; pitchforks, knives, cutlasses and crossbows in hand...**

**8-' Erm... yes! Yes I can!!! **

.: Chapter Six :.

So, _why_ had the two fallen silent?

After the Dwarf had dealt a deft blow to the Elf's stomach, Legolas had gone completely wide eyed. The harmonica skidded across the floor, coming to rest by Gimli's feet.

"Well, would you look at that?!" chuckled Legolas.

Gimli's eye twitched. "Is that _all_ you can say for yourself?! IS THAT ALL?!?!"

'Ooh... not good...' thought the Elf. He backed away slowly.

"WE ARE _STUCK_, IN A _CAVE_, WITH NO WAY OF GETTING OUT, BECAUSE OF _YOU_ AND YOUR LOVE FOR THAT _STUPID_ _HARMONICA_!!!" bellowed Gimli.He grabbed the harmonica off of the floor and flung it with all of his might at the cave opening. It was a lucky shot, flying straight out of the tiny gap. All that was heard was a loud yelp from a familiar voice outside.

"Hey!!!" shouted Legolas indignantly, a scowl on his face. "I don't go throwing _your_ things around!" With that, he strode towards the miniscule space between the rock and the cave wall, leaving Gimli to wonder what on Middle-Earth the crazy Elf was going to do _this_ time...

-=-=-=-

Aragorn rubbed the sore spot on his head where an A.Y.U.F.O; As Yet Unidentified Flying Object, had thwacked into it. "Alas, poor peacefulness," he grumbled ruefully. "We hardly knew ye..."

Still irritable and under cursing colourfully under his breath, Aragorn stood up and grabbed his pack. He stopped and turned as a grunting noise alerted his attention.

"What _ARE_ you doing?!"

Legolas was currently pushing at the sides of the rock in a drastic and seemingly failing attempt to free himself. "Trying... to get... out!" he said between pushes.

Aragorn just stood and stared. Apparently, watching an Elf try to force itself through a tiny gap was a good spectator sport.

Legolas sucked in his breath and to Aragorn's amazement, squeezed through the gap. As he popped out the other side with the same noise as a cork popping out of a champagne.

Aragorn's eye twitched. "You mean to tell me, that you could have squeezed through that gap at ANY TIME?!" he shouted, his voice increasing in volume with each word.

Legolas thought to himself for a moment before replying. "Yes..." he said, nodding and grinning. "I suppose I could..." He bent down to retrieve his harmonica (which, incidentally, was the thing that had thwacked Aragorn). It was a little dusty and... _slimy_ (but we won't go into that!), but it still seemed to be playable. He wouldn't try it though; he'd been through enough with the thing recently.

"Well, let's go then!" he said briskly, pulling on Aragorn's sleeve.

"_OI_!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE, _NOW_!!!" screeched a voice. Dwarves stuck in tight places did _not_ make very musical tones when in bad moods.

Aragorn rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day and proceeded to pull a rope from out of his pack. Legolas however tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

"_Yes_?" groused Aragorn. He looked up.

Legolas had a devilish grin on his face. This was bad news.

"Do we really have to get him out?" he asked, smiling sweetly... _too_ sweetly...

Aragorn eyed him suspiciously. "Just _what_ are you getting at Legolas Greenleaf?"

Legolas pulled a casual face and leaned on his friend's shoulder in a blasé manner. Aragorn didn't like this situation more and more by the second.

"Well, him being a Dwarf and all..."

That was it. Aragorn couldn't take it anymore. "Alright, Legolas. What are you up to?!"

"Well, Gimli likes caves... a short stint in there; it won't do him any harm..."

Aragorn snorted, much like a bull when it sees red. Legolas leaned back, knowing what was coming...

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GET YOUR SENSE SOMETIMES, BUT BELIEVE YOU ME, I AM _NOT_ ABOUT TO LEAVE GIMLI IN A CAVE, JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE IT, _DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME_?!?!"

Legolas blew the hair up that had flopped down into his face, finally being able to stand up straight again after The Hurricane Treatment. "Yessir..." he squeaked in a small voice.

"Sanity is a foreign concept to you, isn't it?" Scowling darkly, Aragorn turned and fed the rope through the small gap. Now that he looked, he could think of no conceivable way Legolas could have slipped through. The Elf was skinny, but not _that_ skinny... there was something fishy going on here...

Nevertheless, there was a Dwarf to be gotten out of a tight place.

A _much_ louder cork-popping-out-of-champagne-bottle noise sounded and the three of them went flying spectacularly through the air.

At that moment, a porcupine with rotten luck happened to be wandering by. It had been a normal day for him; threatened to be eaten by a Warg, nearly skewered by an Eagle's talons, and almost swept off of a cliff with a tide of lemmings. Now it was headed home, where hopefully his wife had broken out of her preying mantis-mode and would rather eat dinner than _him_.

Gimli, now having been pulled out of the cave, was met with a loud pain-filled yelp as the poor unfortunate porcupine had a certain Ranger King land on it... and _not_ from the animal. The Dwarf shook his head despairingly. "Here we go again..."

**Well, I'm off on me hols for two weeks tomorrow, but please R&R so I have something to read when I get back! NEXT CHAPTER: Legolas finds he feels quite motherly towards the porcupine as Aragorn goes through minor surgery... well, getting needles pulled out of your posterior can be quite a complicated issue, can't it?!**

**;-) copies The Terminator I'll be back...**


	7. Pet Peeves

**Wow, I'm on a roll today... this is my New Year's Resolution... update my stories! Lol...**

**Lynx Yamato****; Thanks! ;-)**

**Kawaii Elf Girl****; X-D Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Wow, you can manage not to get hurt by the porcupine? You'll have to tell Legolas your trick... read on to see what I mean...**

**Enelya Wood****; I see you've changed your name again, eh?**** :-D Thanks!**

**From the Silent Planet****; Well, I'm a pretty mad person! X-D I'm glad you like it though!**

**Bakuscrazdfangrl; X-D Lol!!! I know lots of girls who'd want that scenario, believe me!**

**Estel; You mean you hadn't figured that out YET?! X-D I've been going through a bit of a lemming phase recently, in fact, my new nickname at school, besides Pippin of course, is Mad Lemming... ;-)**

**Terreis; Well, it's been a long time for everything, but I'm back on track now! ;-) I've noticed, I've given them all new mini-personalities in this; Aragorn is like a moody sarcastic teenager, Legolas is your average dumb-but-loveable blonde, and Gimli is... well, he's just _Gimli_... X-) I've got a mental picture of poor Aragorn trying to squirm away from you now! LOL!**

**MLynnBloom; I _think_ awesomely is a word... another one of life's little mysteries, eh? Oh wait. No it's not. Spell-check says it is! :-) **

**Stoneage Woman; Ah yes... the Hurricane Treatment, alias The Hairdryer.**** I get that a lot when people think I'm being a moron... I just pull a sweet face and bat my eyelids... BWUHAHAHAHA!!! NO-ONE CAN RESIST MY CUTENESS!!! ... ... sorry...**

**Faerlain; -stares- Deadly army of Elven and Hobbit warriors?**** –ducks and hides-**

**Wolf Maid; I know, poor Aragorn! –pats Aragorn-**

**ARAGORN: I'm not a dog you know.**

**Well you look like one... –evil grin!- Thanks for reviewing!**

**hi****; Hi! :-D I love it when lurkers come out of hiding, please keep reviewing! :-) Yours is the Jaws theme tune? Oh, mine is the Darth Vader one!**

**indiegurl2008; I love random stories too! That's why I'm writing one... X-D**

**ArwenAvonolle; Thanks for reviewing! ;-) Well, Legolas has to have some sort of a dark side, he can't be sweetness and light all the time! –points to Legolas who is wearing devil horns and brandishing a pointy pitchfork-**

**K-chan; Thanks! :-) That's cool; I've written it having an anime style in my head too, in fact, I think you'll love the A/N down the bottom! ;-)**

**Katca Mcadar; Grrr, KT, I'm not a baka!!! YOU BAKA!!! Coming ON?! O.o Sweet Eru... AAAAAAAH!!! Well, I'm insane too! X-D**

**Phoebe Telumetar; CHESS!!! X-D –huggles Chess- Ok, I'll keep it up... ;-)**

**----**

**MESSAGE TO YOU ALL!!!**

**I thought you'd be interested, but I'm slowly drawing this story into a comic strip, so when each chapter is done, I'll post the links into my bio! ;-) It's also anime style, so I'm hoping you like it! **

**Also, a little competition for you... the first one to review who spots the tiny homage to a movie in this chapter gets a prize...**

.: Chapter Seven :.

"Ow... Ow... Ow... OW!!! WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!"

"Sorry Aragorn; it was a big one..." said Gimli, though there was more of a subtle laughter to his voice than apology.

Aragorn, bent over and leaning on a rock, grumbled something rude (and thankfully incoherent) under his breath, and Gimli continued to pull the sharp porcupine needles out of the King's posterior. "Just wait till this is finished Legolas..." warned Aragorn, wincing. "I'm going to knock you flying into next week!!! OW!!!"

Legolas ignored him completely, just as he had the last forty or so times Aragorn had made this threat. After all, it was a lot of needles. Instead, he stared cautiously at the porcupine.

The porcupine stared cautiously back. They stayed like that for a few seconds, warily eying each other, trying to assess the level of danger this new threat possibly held. After all, to the porcupine, Legolas was big enough to eat him. To Legolas, the porcupine was small enough to creep into his bed at night...

Aragorn (needles now removed) and Gimli looked at the swapping of stares with a twist of confusion and amusement.

"Finally, someone on the same level as the Elf..." said Gimli quietly. Aragorn nodded slowly in agreement.

Finally Legolas straightened. There was a tingling air of apprehension in the atmosphere as they waited for his 'assessment'...

Suddenly he grabbed the porcupine and pulled it into a hug. The porcupine's poor eyes bulged out of its head and it wheezed.

"ISN'T IT CUTE?!" cried Legolas. Aragorn looked at him blankly.

"Gimli?" he whispered. "Are you _sure_ those herbs have worn off completely?"

Gimli however was thinking of something else. "Legolas?"

Legolas opened one eye, swivelling it to look at the Dwarf. Both Gimli and Aragorn recoiled backwards a little as he did this.

"One: Don't do that." said Aragorn "Two: Aren't those spines hurting you?"

Legolas looked confused. "Spines? What spi-" Suddenly, his eyes widened, the right one twitching.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!" He threw the porcupine away from himself, pulling a needle out of his arm. "WHY didn't anyone tell me that would happen?!"

"Look laddie, you had a living diagram here," commented Gimli sarcastically, jabbing a thumb at Aragorn who was currently rubbing his own sore patches. The former Ranger sulked.

"Just because you haven't had the privilege of being punctured yet Gimli doesn't mean you can take it out on us..."

Legolas poked the porcupine, who, traumatised by the manic hug it had received, had curled up into a ball. "I think I'll call him Fred."

"What?!" said Aragorn, disbelievingly. "Oh no Legolas, I refuse to let you keep it!!!"

"It's up to me," said Legolas. "After all, every other pet I've had has-"

"Died." cut in Aragorn flatly. "Died in the most hideous ways! Remember the rabbit that was squashed by an Oliphaunt? And the falcon?"

"What happened to the falcon?" asked Gimli on seeing Legolas' sheepish face.

Aragorn shook his head. "Let's just say, it showed everyone why you shouldn't feed rice to birds. They were scraping pieces of that poor bird off of the palace walls for weeks... and let's not even _discuss_ the horses..."

Legolas looked at him indignantly. "Look, I didn't know that that she-Elf had a grudge against me! It was her fault anyway, cutting off that horse's head and putting it in my bed..."

"Face it Legolas," said Aragorn finally. "Animals and you just don't mix."

Unbeknownst to them, a group of scantily clad figures was watching them from the cover of the trees. Aragorn's sword lay against one of the rocks where he'd left it to get needles pulled out of him, and he'd not picked it up afterwards. One reached out a hand and snatched it, pulling it into the undergrowth.

"Like, _oh_ my god!!!" it whispered to another. "Like, I got it!!!"

"Ooh, like, lemme see!" said the other.

"No way girlfriend!" sneered the first. "Like, this is _so_ mine! Anyway, I, like, like him _so_ much more than you do!"

"No way!!!" squealed a third. "Like, I am _so_ the biggest Aragorn fan here."

A fourth one laughed. "You can, like, keep him. Legolas is _such_ a hottie!!!"

The scantily clad figures continued watching the three, who had suddenly fallen silent.

Aragorn's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Alright. Which one of you nicked my sword?"

The Elf and Dwarf looked back at him blankly before sniggering.

"I hope you didn't intend that to mean the way it _sounded_ Aragorn..." said Legolas slyly. The human rolled his eyes.

"No!!! I mean, I left my sword over there, by that rock, and now-" He stopped short as he spotted eight pairs of eyes staring at them, each a different colour of the rainbow; Fire Red, Vibrant Orange, Sun Yellow, Dragon Green, Sea Blue, Night Indigo, and Pale Violet... and one pair of Fluorescent Pink. After all dear readers...

It is a well documented fact that Rabid Amazonian Mary-Sue Fangirls have no camouflage...

**-gasp!- Rabid Amazonian Mary-Sue Fangirls!!! Basically I've tried to piece together as much Mary-Sue-ish material as I could find... _YES_, I _AM_ still traumatised by the experience of the researching... and put them into these eight girls...**

**The next chapter is called Operation Sharp Thing. A daring rescue, a killer porcupine, and a journey deep into the heart of R.A.M.S.F HQ... be there, or be... not there. -sweatdrop-**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you like the next! ;-)**

**Oh yeah... the harmonica, completely with Elven Slobber, is up for auction...**

**LEGOLAS: But that's mine!**

**And? I'll start the bids at... £5.00**

**LEGOLAS: A FIVER?! But... BUT-!!!**

**Alright then, maybe that's a bit out of order... £4.00!!! :-D**

**LEGOLAS: -sniffle-**


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